


Crush

by Avaetin



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Past Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Post-Blood of Olympus, past one-sided Percy Jackson/Nico di Angelo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avaetin/pseuds/Avaetin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For in Jason’s mind, he could only question if these raging emotions were just blooming from a fleeting crush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crush

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by David Archuleta's "Crush".
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and its characters for they belong to Rick Riordan. I do not place any claim on the song as well.

* * *

_I hung up the phone tonight_

_Something happened for the first time deep inside_

_It was a rush, what a rush_

_‘Cause the possibility_

_That you would ever feel the same way about me_

_It’s just too much, just too much_

* * *

Jason had all the intentions to be attached to the son of Hades, but never did he anticipate for his attachment to plunge deeper than mere friendship. So when his heart, as crazily as it did, palpitated erratically on his chest and clenched in a bittersweet gesture at the rare sight of Nico’s thin lips curling in a barely repressed smile that was directed to him, Jason was well aware that he messed up. Jason was then aware that he had been digging his own grave subconsciously.

For someone who barely scratched the surface to the context of how irrevocable and unconditional love could possibly be, these little physical responses were adequate on garnering his acknowledgement that – _oh_ – Jason was falling in love with Nico di Angelo, and there was nothing that could possibly suppress these budding and overwhelming emotions that he was developing for the younger demigod.

It was impossible not to _appreciate_ the son of Hades once any individual were to provide the chance to themselves, and pursue with relentless effort on befriending him. In all facets, regardless of his brooding nature and broken soul, Nico di Angelo _is_ a human freely capable of welcoming people into his life. In time, with each patched fragment of his soul, Jason could conclude with certainty that they might be seeing a scintilla, at the very least, of the younger demigod’s former personality.

Or perhaps, it was just him that was seeing such miniscule changes.

Selfishly, Jason hoped as much; to possess a sole mutuality with Nico di Angelo.

It was an alarming thought.

 

* * *

_Why do I keep running from the truth?_

_All I ever think about is you_

_You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized_

_And I've just got to know_

 

* * *

 

Nico di Angelo had always been naturally withdrawn. That was a constant that Jason acknowledged and appreciated under the same context. As meddlesome as that trait could be on more than one occasion, it was the fact that Nico entrusts him immeasurably with personal details that had Jason valuing what existed between them. Perhaps it was friendship, perhaps it was more of a platonic relationship. Yet, neither placed a name or a category of what it actually was.

There was a mutual understanding between the two of them, and it was evident with their responses to each other’s respective gestures. In Jason’s case, he was well attuned to the miniscule shifts in the son of Hades’ expressions and the implications of each. A quirk of the lips meant suppressed happiness or humor. A furrowing of the brows meant irritation or brewing rage. A gritting of the teeth signified the gradual increase of frustration. A firm bite to the lower lip indicated silence or repressed emotions.

Jason was that attuned to Nico, and everything else that had to do with Nico. And perhaps, Nico was just as attuned to Jason in that same degree; that same insane intensity.

Everything had started with that purely innocent thought of how Nico’s happiness was something that should be delicately _cherished_ , as rare as it had been in the entirety of the life the younger demigod recalled. It had manifested – sprouted – into what Jason could not place a name or category upon. Nagging thoughts that should not exist in the first place crawled its way from the back of his mind, plaguing his thoughts incessantly.

_I made him smile._

_That smile was for me._

_Nico’s smiles were for me._

It was not possessive, but it always blossomed an immense and almost uncontainable happiness within him whenever such thoughts surfaced in his mind. It was improper to think that those smiles, despite causing them, belonged solely to him.

Jason was in _that_ deep for Nico. The thought – the _possibility_ – that it could possibly be reciprocated was just too much.

 

* * *

_Do you ever think when you’re all alone_

_All that we can be, where this thing can go?_

_Am I crazy or falling in love?_

_Is it real or just another crush?_

* * *

 

“What are you thinking about?” Nico inquired occasionally, whether in the presence of others in the midst of their preoccupation or in their very own privacy.

_How I understand your actions – your thoughts – so naturally as if it were like the act of breathing itself. How I might be getting in too deep, and while it is not too late to pull back, I can’t find it in myself to do so. Perhaps, where all of these is leading to? Are you just a fleeting crush, or am I going to fall in love?_

A dozen possible responses fleeted through his mind in that split second, easier to formulate on his mind rather than vocally expressing them. His features remained neutral, though if there were any indication that his emotions of any form had slipped, the son of Hades kept mum of it.

Perhaps – yes – Jason might have blurted these frustrating and repetitive thoughts in a heartbeat had their situation not been complicated and possibly damned – on his side. Perhaps, he would not have to sit through these countless interrogations under the scrutiny of those dark brown eyes of ever-changing, varying hues that he could admittedly spend an entire day simply gazing at and without ever bearing a scintilla of boredom. Perhaps, he would not have to sit through every single day, repressing these brewing emotions that constantly grated at his nerves and self-control. Perhaps, he would not have to endure these increasing impulsions on keeping close to Nico di Angelo’s side if he were to just blurt his damned thoughts and emotions out loud.

But he did not. He _could_ not.

“Nothing,” Jason breathed. It was a lie, and Jason knows that Nico knew, but the latter never commented of it despite how these same, bland responses would have snapped the patience of any person at that point.

“It’s nothing.”

Who he was convincing, neither of them knew.

Jason simply offered a smile at the son of Hades, reciprocated with the slightest of hesitance in a matter of a few seconds. Nico’s smiles had always been a rarity; _will_ always be a rarity. In these moments when no one else but him could appreciate the radiance and warmth of those smiles, Jason allowed himself to bask in the delusional thoughts that they solely belonged to him; that Nico’s smiles were solely for him to see.

Just as, to an immeasurable and _almost_ equivalent extent, Jason’s natural smiles were solely for the eyes of Nico di Angelo.

In those moments, Jason could convince that it was a sole mutuality that they possessed; one that no other could come to acknowledge.

_What are you thinking about, Nico?_

Jason huffed a low chuckle, casting his eyes away from the scrutiny of those curious dark brown irises as he rested his head against the son of Hades’ left shoulder.

_Because I need to know that I’m not the only one feeling like this._

 

* * *

_Do you catch a breath when I look at you?_

_Are you holding back like the way I do?_

_Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away_

_But I know this crush ain't goin' away_

_Goin' away_

* * *

 

Love is never fleeting. That has always been a misconception used by the mortals – and perhaps demigods alike – under the false pretenses of love.

When Nico di Angelo confessed to Percy Jackson – in the bluntest of manner conceivable – that the latter had just been a fleeting crush, Jason was certain that those words were nothing more than mere salves to the wounds of his broken soul. It was a laughable assumption: that the son of Hades had acted selflessly and danced repetitively on the palms of death for the sake of a mere crush. _No._ Nico di Angelo had loved – still does, to a certain extent – the son of Poseidon, and it was a selfless, unconditional and irrevocable form of love that Jason had hoped would have existed between him and Piper.

But, their relationship was simply not to be. Mundane? No, it had not been that. Their relationship was forged from false memories and numerous expectations. On the back of Piper’s head, she had many unadmitted expectations of the son of Jupiter, based from the false memories that was ingrained in her head from a time not so long ago. On the back of Jason’s head, he struggled in silence, plagued with the horrible memories of that person he had once been; as a Roman. What he was in actuality and what he was in Piper’s mind, they clashed to the point that their relationship started to deteriorate and hurt. That was the sole push either of them needed to cut the ties that forced them onto such a painful relationship.

With Nico, there was a possibility, Jason admitted to himself in silence. For if there was that one being who could completely understand him as a whole, Jason was certain that it was Nico. Jason could be deconstructed a hundred times, and Nico would know with such familiarity how to piece him back as a whole. Because it was Nico, and that was the sole reason that Jason needed to know.

To some extent, Jason admittedly acknowledged slivers of jealousy he harbored against the son of Poseidon. Nico was subtle with a lot of things, secretive to the extent wherein his thoughts and intentions were undecipherable, even to Jason himself. Yet, if there was a certainty that Jason possessed, it was that there still lingered affection and hurt behind those eyes whenever they landed at the sight of Percy Jackson. Affection and hurt lingered behind those miniscule fond smiles that occasionally would curl those lips.

And Jason wished they were for him instead. All those affection and hurt; he would gladly accept them all. For they all belonged to Nico, and all of which Nico laid bare – yet unclaimed – in front of a young man who spared little to no glance back at his direction.

Nico caught his gaze in that fleeting instance, and for a second, Jason could convince that all those affections and hurt were directed at him. He did not know what expression adorned his features at that moment, nor did he bother to know as he casted his eyes from the son of Hades, all the while clenching his hands into fists by his side.

His heart palpitated erratically and he felt short of breath, as always at the mere sight of Nico di Angelo. It was an addicting sensation, yet it was equally bittersweet and excruciating in the same sense.

_Hold yourself back_ , Jason repeated in his head like a mantra as Nico called out his name, his voice becoming louder as he approached him steadily.

“Jason?” Nico’s voice forced him to glance back up, directly meeting cautious dark brown eyes.

_Are you holding back like the way I do?_ Jason had to question in his mind as he unclenched his hands, allowing them to lay limply by his sides as he slowly took a deep breath. _Do you feel the same when I look at you?_

“Are you alright? You seem out of it for a moment,” Nico casually commented, though his voice was laced with concern.

“Just tired,” Jason answered with a hint of nonchalance, suppressing the urge to flinch when cool hands carefully caressed his features, trailing over the skin with such familiarity while checking up on his condition.

_I’m tired, Nico,_ Jason admitted to himself as he allowed for his eyes to close underneath that familiar, soothing caress. _I need to know that I’m not the only one unable to turn away from all of this._

* * *

_Has it ever crossed your mind_

  
_When we’re hanging, spending time, are we just friends?_

_Is there more, is there more?_

 

_See it’s a chance we’ve gotta take_

  
_'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last_

_Last forever_

_Forever_

* * *

 

“Why are you suddenly asking me that kind of question?” the son of Hades inquired, a little bit of exasperation and a little bit of undisguised humor in the tone of his voice.

“You two seem to be getting close,” Jason answered with a slight shrug, earning a small snort from the younger demigod.

“Solace and I are strictly just friends. I don’t see him and myself in a romantic arrangement,” Nico answered with a sigh, a little bit exasperated and a little bit exhausted, and Jason had to wonder the implications of the latter.

Nico di Angelo had always been capable of loving. That was a part of himself that he had subconsciously not restricted even through the years that his soul was being further broken. Nico had not loved in a romantic sense – with the exception of, begrudgingly, Percy Jackson – but he had loved in the sense that he had taken appreciation even in the smallest of things. Nico di Angelo had cherished the many unfulfilled souls that roamed their world; deceased families that he had become acquainted with in the process of trying to get his biological sister back. Nico di Angelo had cherished the hellhounds – Zerberus and Mrs. O’Leary – as loyal companions of his, and so much more. Nico di Angelo had cherished Hazel, showering with the warmth only a family could offer. To some extent, Nico di Angelo had cherished Frank as they mutually share the same intentions – ensuring Hazel’s happiness. Nico di Angelo had cherished Reyna, as if she were an older sister though not a replacement or a projection of Bianca.

Nico had always been capable of loving, and he offered a selfless and unconditional love.

“You pry with my non-existent relationships, yet you do not even disclose yours,” Nico continued, and Jason could imagine the younger rolling his eyes.

“That’s because there is… none,” Jason replied, hesitating before he breathed the last word. It was a lie, but it was a safer response to offer.

“Really.” The tone was dull, yet disbelieving. “What could be the cause of that?”

_You_ , Jason answered in his mind, though in actuality, he responded with a sheepish smile and a shake of his head.

There was something – _everything –_ tantalizing about how the son of Hades’ gaunt figure fitted perfectly against his side, their frames pressed against each other with such a welcomed familiarity that neither questioned. It was an exaggeration, truly, but no words could completely describe or comprehend the thoughts that plagued the son of Jupiter’s mind at these instances.

There was something – _everything_ – hypnotizing about how their eyes clashed against each other; about how neither of them seemed to be capable of redirecting their gazes elsewhere when they would catch the other’s eyes intentionally or unintentionally.

There was something – _everything_ – alarming of that certain confliction that would fleet past those dark brown eyes whenever their gazes remained connected longer than either of them would ever intend.

There was everything – just _everything_ – to hope and expect when both of them seemed to just naturally gravitate towards each other, closing off that distance gradually.

“I enjoy how blissfully simple things are, and the perks of being a bachelor, Nico,” Jason responded with an amused smile as he leaned back against the prickling grass, tugging down a surprised son of Hades atop his chest.

His heart hammered erratically in that beat he was all too familiar with; in that beat which Jason hoped that Nico would not hear as the latter was pressed firmly against his chest. His heart hammered erratically in that beat he was all too familiar with; in that beat which Jason hoped that Nico’s heart synchronized with should he chance upon feeling his heartbeat against the palm of a hand.

There was everything – just _everything_ – in that moment, in that glimpse of a possibility that there could possibly be more to this convenient setting of just mere friendship. There was everything to gain, and everything to lose.

There was everything to risk, and Jason would rather not risk them from a glimpse of a mere possibility.

* * *

_Do you ever think when you’re all alone_

  
_All that we can be, where this thing can go?_

_Am I crazy or falling in love?_

_Is it real or just another crush?_

_Do you catch a breath when I look at you?_

_Are you holding back like the way I do?_

_'Cause I’m trying and trying to walk away_

_But I know this crush ain’t goin’ away_

* * *

There was a certain sense of comfort that blossomed from lowered expectations and simple satisfactions. That, Jason was certain for himself, as that was how he had been raised throughout the years. Expectations come in a packaged deal with disappointments, and Jason had recalled a dozen instances wherein he could confidently conclude that – no – people would always tend to disappoint him in some aspect, and that it was a thought preferable than being the disappointment instead.

“Do you think anyone could come close to your heart as he did?”

Expectations come with the risk of getting one’s hopes crushed, but it was with expectations that results are procured.

Nico di Angelo had always been capable of cherishing; of loving the miniscule things in life and of the people he would open his heart to, regardless of their nature. Nico di Angelo had always offered that kind of security in the people who he allowed past his barriers; that overwhelming sense of comfort that offered so much and expected none in return.

Was it too much that Jason expected a chance – no matter how little or scarce – that perhaps Nico could offer to lay his soul bare for him?

There was a thoughtful glimmer in those eyes that Jason could not decipher, fleeting only for a second.

“Perhaps, there already has been,” Nico responded after a full minute, staring for a few seconds directly into those electric blue eyes with an intensity that bore so many complicated implications, just as he walked away.

Those words, so vague on their own, should not weigh critically, and yet they did in Jason’s mind. It had him defying the ground rules he established for himself, piling up one expectation with another as the implications of those words weighed on his mind. There was a possibility that he could have possibly misunderstood the meaning behind those words, that they might be as simple and as bland as they were uttered and constructed. There was a possibility that these piled expectations would severe him in the end, and yet he firmly clung onto the conviction that they were worth the risk.

At the age of sixteen, Jason was certain that Nico di Angelo was not a fleeting crush. And as Jason followed with his eyes and a barely suppressed smile the form of that retreating figure, he would have to admit that he would not have it any other way.

* * *

_This crush ain’t goin’ away_

* * *

.

.

.

_Finisce L’amore_


End file.
